Psalm of Unbelief

A psalm of my own personal lament and doubt.

God?

Are you there, God?

I know you are.

I believe—help me in my unbelief.

Still. Quiet. Here. There.

Then. Now. Forever.

Faithful and true. Terrible and far.

I believe—help me in my unbelief.

You have known me from my youth

I’ve asked for grace 1000 times.

Scared it wasn’t real to me.

Scared it wasn’t real to you.

I believe—help me in my unbelief.

Jesus. You redeem my soul. My life.

I’ve traded you for 1000 things.

Scared I wasn’t enough.

Scared you weren’t enough.

I believe—help me in my unbelief.

I court my enemies like friends. I distrust my friends like enemies. My mind whirls. My body aches. I feel as though I can’t continue.

Each day another victory. Another defeat. The sun rises and falls like the blows of the hammer. Like the kiss of the wind. Life the fall of a star.

Do not let my soul give way to doubt.

I believe—help me in my unbelief.

My whole heart longs to be in your presence.

To be free from this body of sin.

To rest.

Do not let my soul give way to doubt.

I believe—help me in my unbelief.

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